[ Vulcans do not speak of this, and Spock strives to be as Vulcan as possible. But even failing that, Spock is a private individual, and this is a matter of great shame.
He's aware they are alone, heard Jim dismiss everyone. He could almost see the curious, speculative faces of the crew, even though his back has been turned the entire time. Even with it being just the two of them, he does not want to discuss this. Or even look at Jim, if he is honest.
Instead, he focuses on the screen in front of him, hands tightly gripping the console. ]
[ Jim repeats it a little dumbstruck, actually. This isn't like Spock, and it's wearing on not just him, but setting others on edge. He's had reports start to filter down about incidents that are wholly out of character. ]
And if I made it an order? [ A beat. ] Spock, something is going on, and I need something other than terse silence. I've been told that you shouted at a junior officer, and suspended another for a minor uniform discrepancy.
That's just the tip of the iceberg. I have more. Not to mention the ensign I just told you who had to be relieved by another person who is now pulling a double to cover you.
I think I deserve a little more than you don't want to talk about it.
[ Spock wants to repeat his comment more firmly, but before he can say anything, Jim is continuing, potentially turning his request into an order.
The incidents he is aware of, and there is no need for him to hear what has been going on with his interactions with the crew. He knows how it appears; he knows how distinctly out of the ordinary it is for him and how it affects his crew. However— ]
Captain, if I am the only person capable of covering the science consoles on the bridge, we must address the lack of staffing. [ Because there really should be someone else who could cover the position, when necessary. There was even another name at the tip of his tongue, but Spock could not entirely remember who he meant to refer as his relief.
With a growl of frustration, he spun on his heel to stare at the bulkhead, hands gripping the console beneath him firmly enough to warp. ]
I must ask that we return to New Vulcan. If a course cannot be charted, I will take a shuttle and make my way to the colony.
[ He did not want to go to the colony, but it was for the best. His blood was already starting the burn; it would not be too much longer. ]
[ The silence itself had been unnerving, but the growl that ushers forth out of his First Officer's throat is even more. Just what the hell is happening here? He can hear the creaking of the console in front of him, and confusion only gets worse. ]
If it's a request of leave that you're asking for, then go through the proper channels and submit a request. But you know, the same as I do, that I can't turn this ship off our present course to take you to New Vulcan.
[ There is one way that Spock could get the ship to turn around, and that is by telling the truth. It is a matter of Vulcan biology. Starfleet would quickly grant permission to head to the colony, as Starfleet would not deny the request, not with the need to rebuild Vulcan.
But that would also mean admitting the truth. Spock carefully loosens his fingers, letting go of the console. It's permanently warped, a testament to the strength he keeps in careful check, and a sign of how tenuous his control. ]
It is, Captain, a matter of Vulcan biology. You must understand, it is not discussed among polite company.
[ Jim's eyes follow the loosening of the other man's fingers as they leave the console, and the warped indents that are left in the wake of it. Damn. Concern is more than clear on his face, replacing the confusion that had been there only moments before. ]
Biology? Come on, since when have I ever been polite company, huh?
no subject
[ Vulcans do not speak of this, and Spock strives to be as Vulcan as possible. But even failing that, Spock is a private individual, and this is a matter of great shame.
He's aware they are alone, heard Jim dismiss everyone. He could almost see the curious, speculative faces of the crew, even though his back has been turned the entire time. Even with it being just the two of them, he does not want to discuss this. Or even look at Jim, if he is honest.
Instead, he focuses on the screen in front of him, hands tightly gripping the console. ]
no subject
[ Jim repeats it a little dumbstruck, actually. This isn't like Spock, and it's wearing on not just him, but setting others on edge. He's had reports start to filter down about incidents that are wholly out of character. ]
And if I made it an order? [ A beat. ] Spock, something is going on, and I need something other than terse silence. I've been told that you shouted at a junior officer, and suspended another for a minor uniform discrepancy.
That's just the tip of the iceberg. I have more. Not to mention the ensign I just told you who had to be relieved by another person who is now pulling a double to cover you.
I think I deserve a little more than you don't want to talk about it.
no subject
The incidents he is aware of, and there is no need for him to hear what has been going on with his interactions with the crew. He knows how it appears; he knows how distinctly out of the ordinary it is for him and how it affects his crew. However— ]
Captain, if I am the only person capable of covering the science consoles on the bridge, we must address the lack of staffing. [ Because there really should be someone else who could cover the position, when necessary. There was even another name at the tip of his tongue, but Spock could not entirely remember who he meant to refer as his relief.
With a growl of frustration, he spun on his heel to stare at the bulkhead, hands gripping the console beneath him firmly enough to warp. ]
I must ask that we return to New Vulcan. If a course cannot be charted, I will take a shuttle and make my way to the colony.
[ He did not want to go to the colony, but it was for the best. His blood was already starting the burn; it would not be too much longer. ]
no subject
[ The silence itself had been unnerving, but the growl that ushers forth out of his First Officer's throat is even more. Just what the hell is happening here? He can hear the creaking of the console in front of him, and confusion only gets worse. ]
If it's a request of leave that you're asking for, then go through the proper channels and submit a request. But you know, the same as I do, that I can't turn this ship off our present course to take you to New Vulcan.
Spock---Spock, talk to me. Please.
no subject
But that would also mean admitting the truth. Spock carefully loosens his fingers, letting go of the console. It's permanently warped, a testament to the strength he keeps in careful check, and a sign of how tenuous his control. ]
It is, Captain, a matter of Vulcan biology. You must understand, it is not discussed among polite company.
no subject
Biology? Come on, since when have I ever been polite company, huh?