exastris_scientia | retired open post // will still tag in if threads are ongoing!

[ John is aware of the slouch against the wall, the posture, and he figures it's just a Bad Day. It happens. He figures they'll talk about it on the way to lunch or after. It all depends, really.

Then he hears the tone. He knows that tone, he's heard it before. It's never been directed at him though, and he's pretty sure that was.

It makes John stop before he gets all the way to where he can open his door (theirs? kind of theirs, feels like theirs, Evan even has a pillow here), and his face screws up in confusion. The letters in his hand are all but forgotten as he hastily shoves them in his pocket so that he can give the other man his full attention.

He moves a little into the other man's personal space, concern etched on his features. ]

You okay? Did something happen?

[ Sheppard might not be on duty today, but they like to keep him in the loop still. He wasn't aware of any outgoing missions with difficulty or ongoing ones with casualties. Was it family back home? ]

[Lorne tenses when Sheppard gets close, eyes immediately darting back to the hallway to check nobody is observing them. He hasn't been that jumpy since the first, very careful weeks but today his senses are back in overdrive.

Is Sheppard gonna end it? Next week, next month? As soon as he learns that Evan knows about the phone calls? And then what?]

Something like that. Apparently our military channels are now open to private communication? I mean, it's probably not a big deal, it's not like we're trying to hide away from killer robots and space vampires...

[ Lorne hasn't been jumpy like that in a while. It's noticeable. He sees him look back like someone might come barreling around the corner and catch them like a couple of teenagers at a party they shouldn't be at. John would know, he's been to plenty of parties cause his dad told him not to go.

That worked out pretty well if you count that it totally didn't. ]

They shouldn't be. I know there's been a couple of accidental things that got put through, but that was handled.

[ Aka himself and a few others. Nancy's was an honest mistake and he let her know as soon as it happened. That's why they resorted to the few opportunities to send a proper Skype message, even if it wasn't always something they could do. Usually it was a prerecorded message with a few real ones interspersed. ]

What's going on, Evan?

Really. [The word is a slow, lazy drawl, and it's only rank that keeps Evan from pulling some unacceptable shit like ~~telling John where to stick it~~ rolling his eyes.]

'cause I got the impression that maybe you think your chitchat's exempt from that. Now correct me if I'm wrong but didn't you have a personal call just now?

Edited 2016-03-02 22:36 (UTC)

[ Okay now. Whatever this is, John isn't liking it. Honestly he's feeling a little cornered. The kind of cornered he felt when he and Nancy didn't talk. The kind that ended with silence and John unable to explain himself because his life was all about secrets, and she couldn't cope with it. His stomach is twisting in knots.

He isn't liking it, and he's downright confused. ]

My personal chitchat? Yeah, I got a call a while back that shouldn't have gone through, and I took care of it. Wasn't my fault. [ He bites back the kneejerk retort of I don't have to explain myself to you. ]

And yeah, Evan, you're wrong. Chuck called me up for mail call, and that was all. Now what the hell is the sudden interrogation for?

[ Thinking rationally when emotion is involved has never been his strongest suit. He thinks, more often than not, with his heart and not his head. He makes the right call based on gut feeling and not logic. ]

Cause last I checked there weren't any problems. So unless something has changed in the past forty-eight hours, I think I deserve a little more than what you're giving me, Lorne.

Well, I wasn't informed and I just think I should be kept in the loop when there's an issue with our communications system.

[Why wasn't he informed? Because of her, the nature of the conversation?

John is getting angry, he can tell and he needs to stop. Take a breath. Play it down to a bad day and the not having been notified just making him lash out because of the communication problems during his last mission. Something, anything to diffuse the situation. He is the one of them who usually does the whole thinking rationally under emotions quite well.]

So maybe I deserve a little more than what you're giving me.

You weren't informed because it was a one-time situation, and as soon as it occurred, I had it fixed. If it had become a constant issue, then I would have put in for work to be completed on it, and informed you about it. I didn't think it was necessary to inform you of a slip up that involved a guy pressing the wrong damn button for all intents and purposes.

[ He wasn't informed cause it was a simple, friendly conversation that got put through the wrong channel, and he already got the third degree from Woolsey without having to deal with his XO suddenly having a go at him over it too. He's had way too many awkward things happen in the past six months when it came to his ex-wife.

Namely, her showing up on Atlantis because of a screw up with his own paperwork that he failed to change after their divorce that still listed her as his NOK.

So, yeah, he's getting a little angry. Understandably so, he'd like to think. ]

A little more than I'm giving you? [ His tone raised and so did his pitch, incredulity marring it. ] You are out of line, Major.

[There is a short, almost inaudible intake of breath. Evan straightens his shoulders, involutarily, jaw set, face burning.

This. This right here. This is exactly the reason why sleeping with your CO is a universally BAD idea. Evan wills the voice to go away because come on. Even he can admit that, really, what choice had he left Sheppard with here?

There is a pause, not a good pause but a tormenting silence that stretches out between them. It's his turn now, Evan knows. He has to react and there are just about a million things he could say right now, angry things, hurtful things, comebacks that would force the Colonel's hand even more and create a real fubar situation for both of them.

Luckily he isn't a complete idiot. Not when it comes to this anyway. ]

You're right. I apologize, sir. It won't happen again.

[And because they really, really need to stop talking right now:] Permission to leave.

[Please.]

[ Sheppard can see the change. It's obvious to him, and he imagines he'd still see it were they not in a relationship that could end both their careers, never mind the fraternization policies.

He wants, very quickly, to take back the words that just left his mouth and find a way to backtrack about ten minutes back in time. The set of his shoulders---his jaw---upset or embarrassment coloring his features---

The silence is sickening. It's worse than when he and Nancy stopped talking because John thought things were ok and he was the last to know. He's always the last to know, apparently. Only guy to not figure it out til the end. Again. Way to go, John.

There isn't anything to say to take it back, and even if there were---now isn't the time. John's jaw works a moment, clenches, and it takes visible effort for him to manage to nod his assent to the request. ]

Permission granted. You're dismissed.

Sir.

[Evan salutes and even manages to not break eye contact. This he can do, the routine, the expected. It's a lifetime's worth of protocol helping them through the next moments of him leaving. But it's good and necessary to end this here and now because Evan doesn't know how much longer he can keep it up. The way back to his quarters feels too long, an absurd walk of shame - even long after Sheppard is out of view.

You blew it.

Evan grinds his teeth, annoyed that Atlantis doesn't provide him with a door he can slam shut (the soft, almost inaudible hiss is really unsatisfactory right now) and stops in the middle of the room. He feels like throwing a tantrum but he values his few belongings too much to thrash the place, even now.]

Yep. Blew it.

[ John manages a nod at the sir and that's---well, that's it. He can hear him retreating from where John is standing in front of his quarters still, and stands there until he can't anymore.

He's---well, he's still not exactly sure what just happened. The only thing he's real certain of is the fact that it hurt. A lot. The kind of hurt that he thought he left behind with Nancy. Just sign the papers, John. Don't make this more difficult than it needs to be.

He shakes himself, visibly, out of the memory, and hastily swipes his door open to shuffle inside. He pulls out the letters he'd stuffed in his pocket, and drops them onto the nightstand, still partially crumpled, and ---let's himself sink onto the bed.

Way to go, John. Real good job with that. ]

retired open post // will still tag in if threads are ongoing!

because we're jerks to our muses

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ohhh snap

efffff my life.

yes 911 i'd like to report a feels situation

more like a murder wtf are you talking about