exastris_scientia | retired open post // will still tag in if threads are ongoing!

[ jim gives a soft, frustrated sigh at that, and shrugs. it was a long shot. but then he groans, shaking his head. ]

Can we not do that? That thing where you're about to tell me that I'm Chris or something and get frustrated when I look at you like you're crazy.

[ he shifts, drawing his legs up to cross underneath him, and leans back against the wall. ]

Alexander is what they say yours is, and that guy out there---Khan, you're calling him? John Harrison. Says you two blew up the Kelvin Memorial Archive, which---[ ok, this is sarcastic and stupid and they could have just left him. he raises his voice purposely. ]---I should thank him for by the way. So thanks.

Asshole. But---anyways, I'm Jim. Not Chris. Hi.

[julian sighs, speaks dryly.]

Really. They're saying I helped blow it up. I was in the building working at the time.

There was a Section 31 laboratory below it. I was stationed there, mostly so they could keep an eye on me in case the drugs and psychological conditioning they were using to suppress my memories and abilities stopped working.

[he is not going to pull that particular punch. he tilts his head slightly, looking completely serious and there's not an inch of hesitation anywhere in his demeanor.]

'Alexander' is nothing but false memories that were planted in my head through 31's machinations. Please, if I'm going to call you Jim, be sure to call me Julian. I still get confused enough sometimes without the help.

[he can at least accept you're not ready yet.]

Yeah, they're saying that. It was the popular topic of conversation while I was screaming until I was hoarse, which was also great.

[ then julian starts to explain things and his confusion level skyrockets. drugs, conditioning, and something about abilities being suppressed? what circus show did he wander into?

---but he's being serious. he's being serious and ---this is ridiculous. ]

A secret Starfleet organization? Right, fine, I don't mind calling you Julian. But the next thing you're gonna tell me is that guy Khan out there is the same Khan from the Eugenics Wars, and I don't know if you're keeping up with the stardate or anything but that was over 300 years ago.

[ he would know, he has enough books about history in the first place. he loves it, especially the 19th through 21st centuries. ]

No actually, just stop there, cause I really think you might. I really, really can't deal with that headache now. Especially if Joaquin plans on me actually hacking whatever database he was trying to get into earlier.

I don't need to tell you, you just said it yourself. Cryostasis technology is much improved these days, but we managed.

[julian sighs. lord. joaquin was trying to get into computer systems now? he hadn't been any good at it in the 20th century, he'd be absolutely dismal now.]

He was trying to hack into a database? Lord, he should know better than to even try. He's hopeless at it.

[ his eyes widen a bit when julian says that and---yeah, that headache is getting worse. he squeezes his eyes shut a moment, and then moves to get up. ]

Didn't I just say I couldn't deal with that headache? Cause I meant actual, literal headache. God, let's get this over with before I end up throwing up on one of you three or trying to run away in abject terror.

[ at least there's a hint of sarcasm in his voice. ]

[if this wasn't such a distressing situation he'd be very amused at getting a one-up on you.]

I do have painkillers.

[he doesn't want you to be hurting, okay. he really, honestly doesn't.]

I'm fine for now. Thanks for the---[ he motions at his face and the healed cuts and bruises. ]---that, by the way.

[ he heads towards the other room, not waiting to see if julian or whatever his name is following him. khan makes him wary, though he sees the same look on his face as the other two fail to hide. the look that says he knows him, and jim doesn't understand it. ]

Is this what you wanted me to take a look at?

[ the nod is quick, and he moves over to sit, starting in on the easy stuff first so he can get a feel for what's coming. it's a little hard to work through the pounding in his head, but he's managing. ]

Okay. So---I'm covering my tracks as I go, in case you guys were wondering, but I'm seeing some weird stuff. There's talk of some new class of ship, a Dreadnought, but no mention of it at any shipyard on Earth or at Utopia Planitia. Uh---the more heavily encrypted stuff---something about weapons. Torpedoes?

[ khan moves closer then, brows knitting together, and speaks: ] What torpedoes? Does it say how many?

[ jim casts a glance back at him, and starts in on that file in earnest. before long, it cracks open at his request. ] Advanced ones. Moreso than anything the Enterprise has at least. And they're just prototypes. There's 72.

Does that mean anything to you?

[ he looks back at them just as the connection grows staticky, and a holo-recording pops up of admiral marcus and begins to play. jim's heart leaps into his throat, and he starts typing furiously. shitshitshit. he gets the firewalls in place and reroutes any possible trackers set into motion by accessing that, and steps back.

after his face to face with the admiral and a lot of pain---jim doesn't exactly want to be staring him in the face listening to whatever the hell this is. ]

[watching him work is still art, they didn't take that from him. julian is monitoring, on the tricorder, after the admission that he really did have a splitting headache.

judging by the way khan pales at the number, it's very significant. that must be how many survived, aside from them. how many cryotubes are left. how many he'd tried to smuggle out.

julian almost jumps up at the recording--he recognizes that face, he's seen that face, heard that voice. he didn't remember until now. it was in that grey time between julian and alexander, where he still couldn't remember much at all. he was gloating. saying that khan had provided him the perfect opportunity to destroy the evidence of what he'd done, and start a war beside. he'd gotten everything he needed from all of them--a ship and weapons from khan, biological agents from 'alexander', a crew willing to avenge a martyred captain from james--julian suppressed a violent shudder at the use of the false names for the two of them--and genetic information from joaquin that would enable them to begin reverse-engineering their augmentations.

this was a worst-case scenario. julian had no idea what they could do to stop it.

then he says something completely innocuous. thanks 'jim' for his service. calls him 'son'.

he wouldn't have thought anything but disgust at it, if nothing happened next.]

[ jim had already shrunk back where khan and joaquin had moved closer to the screen. why did some of what marcus was saying sound familiar? and martyred, ok, this was really starting to freak him out.

the pounding in his head has gotten worse. it's so bad that he's starting to feel dizzy, and then he hears admiral marcus thank him. call him son. pike was the only one that ever did that. he tries to pull in a breath to push down the sick feeling in his stomach, but he can't. he can't breathe.

he's used to allergic reactions to stuff, but he hasn't--- there isn't anything here that could have done this. he's not an idiot, he's been careful. jim makes a horrible wheezing sound, and tugs futilely at his collar, looking to julian in growing panic. ]

---can't.

[julian's eyes snap to chris's face, widening in shock and fear. there was no reason for him to be going into anaphylaxis--shit, he'd done something, some sort of code, he had no idea what--]

Turn that bastard off!

[julian barks, voice tight with fury and with fear. they don't have anything that can seriously treat anaphylaxis--what sort of augment has allergies?

he goes to chris in moments.]

Lie down. I need you to lie down.

[god he's going to have to insert a breathing tube in his throat if this goes much further.]

[ khan doesn't wait or even hesitate. the equipment will be difficult to replace, but hardly impossible. chris was not something which could be replaced. he doesn't bother with trying to find a way to close out the program, destroying the interface itself is quicker, which he does.

he looks to julian, uncertain of what he can do help, but he knows a medical emergency when he sees it. ] What do you need?

[ chris is panicking. that might also be a mild way of putting it. he can't breathe, and his focus is narrowing quickly from the whole of the room to what is near him. that's julian. he reaches out and grabs his sleeve.

lie down? he wants him to lie down? why? god, he really wishes bones was here right now. bones was always so careful about his allergies. he knows he's panicking, but he can't squash it down. he moves to do as he's told, even if it's half falling back at this point. ]

[because it's easier to try to keep you calm and you won't hit your head if you fall and don't question him he's the doctor here not you.]

Ch--Jim, I need you to try to calm down. This isn't an allergic reaction. This is something he did to your head.

[the tricorder is still scanning him, julian can see it where he dropped it on the floor. this is purely psychological--there's no histamines in his system whatsoever.

that's not helping keep his throat from swelling shut.

julian tilts chris's head back, and his long fingers carefully find the adam's apple, the slight bulge below it. the indentation between.][there's a scalpel in his satchel, he pulls it out. he doesn't want to do this, but he might have to. first, he tries rescue breathing--but his breath isn't going anywhere, he can feel the constriction of his throat, he can't even wheeze anymore.

julian doesn't hesitate once he realizes that. khan has given him the tube, that's the thing he needed, so he acts.

he's incredibly fast with a scalpel. and there's surprisingly little blood for the fact that he just slashed a small slit in chris's throat and shoved a tube in it.

he breathes directly into the tube. one, two--then pausing and breathing every five seconds until he can manage it on his own.]

[ khan has moved close to help where he can, ready to give him whatever he needs. when he worried that there was worse that marcus might do, even he hadn't considered this. conditioning so ingrained that they might simply watch one of their family die and be able to do nothing to stop it. he pushes back the anger, it will help no one right now.

he hears him say something about it being in his head but---how?

dimly, he's aware through the growing buzz in his head from lack of oxygen, what julian is doing. they are all taught basic field medicine in the academy, but it isn't working. the tightening in his chest isn't lessening, and his vision is starting to grey. it's nearly completely black, and then he's breathing again, rasping it in.

he's still dizzy feeling, sick, and he could sob at the relief he's feeling, tears itching his skin as they roll out of the corners of his eyes. ]

That's it. That's it, you're okay. Just breath, it might be a little hard, but I'll fix it once the swelling goes down. We've got you.

[julian takes his hand, grips it in his own that are suddenly shaking again, like they haven't for weeks. he is terrified. julian's other hand combs through his hair. he is going to kill marcus, and find a way to do it slowly.

joaquin's thoughts are not quite so charitable. he wants to find marcus and rip his head off, which would be a much faster way to go.]

[ jim can start to make out what he's saying, and he manages a small, abortive nod. he can see julian clearly now, and the others hovering near to him. he was confused before, but now he's just afraid, but not of them. everything he's ever known has suddenly turned against him, tried to kill him.

he feels julian's hand in his own, and his fingers twitch to try and curl around it. he can't really manage it. he feels a hand squeeze his shoulder, and someone gets up, it must be khan, but he's too tired to do anything but watch julian. then there are fingers in his hair, and he can't help the watering in his eyes.

khan needs to think, but he's dizzy with rage. chris nearly died. he nearly died from what they did to him, and they wish to subject the rest of their people to a similar fate of servitude and abuse. ]

[joaquin looks at khan, then crouches next to julian.]

Let's get you two off the floor, yeah? Come on.

[between the two of them, they get chris up off the floor--carefully, very carefully--and back to the sleeping rooms. julian nixes the pillow, they need to keep him flat for the moment, but covers him up with a blanket pulled up to the chest. joaquin grabs the chair, then goes back to the main room for julian's abandoned tricorder, brings it back too. he'll need it to keep an eye on chris's throat. or, at least, it'll make it easier.

then he intends to go talk to khan, to see how the hell they're going to kill marcus and everyone else who'd even think to do this to them.]

[ he aches, an aftereffect from being so tense from the ordeal, his body seizing up. he gives a small nod, failing to help that much when he's helped up off the floor, and back to the bunk he'd taken over.

he's grateful for the blanket, but more grateful that he isn't going to be left on his own, whether due to the fact that he's got a hole in his throat or they think he's this chris guy, he doesn't really care. but considering what marcus was saying---has all of this, his whole life---has it all been a lie? some elaborate scheme? god, he's too tired to think.

whatever it is, the last thing jim wants is to be alone, and he manages to slide his hand out from under the blanket, palm up in question to julian.

he sees joaquin come back with the tricorder, and then leave again. maybe he's talking to khan? he doesn't know. ]

[julian doesn't hesitate to put his hand in chris's. the anger is burning out of him, the brilliant flare reducing to a dimly glowing ember, to be fanned back into life when it was called for.

but it's not for chris. or jim. whatever he's calling himself, whoever he is. it's solely for marcus.]

I'll stay. I'm not going to leave you.

[ jim wants more than anything for this to be some kind of awful nightmare. he's gonna wake up in his apartment off campus to spock being his version of irritated because he's late for a duty shift. but he's not waking up. he's pretty sure he isn't going to and that, somehow, this isn't a bad dream.

he's been living the bad dream, and that's becoming more and more apparent as time goes on.

when julian takes his hand, it doesn't matter that he doesn't know the guy. it doesn't matter that he nearly died thanks to whatever that was--- it's enough to help him focus on anything else. not the headache. not marcus. not the torture. he squeezes back, gratitude in his eyes despite his fear. he wouldn't be there if julian hadn't saved him. ]

[julian stays. he'll stay for as long as it takes until he's healed--joaquin and khan come in for periods, waiting with the two of them. julian only leaves to get food for the both of them and to use the refresher. there's a second cot in the room that he drags close to chris at night, staying nearby.

he takes out the breathing tube once he's sure his airways won't close again, it's only a few hours after, and they have a dermal regenerator that he uses on the inflicted wound. now, it's time to wait.

julian knows what the withdrawal felt like for him--it had been awful, like his brain was splitting in two and his mind was half himself and half the other person they'd warped him into. and it sets in rapidly, without the regular treatments. it's scant days before they're in the thick of it.

julian has repositioned himself to sit on the bed behind chris, the other held close to his chest, julian's chin hooked over his shoulder. there are blankets tucked around each of them, courtesy of joaquin, who'd walked in to find them both fitfully asleep.]

[ After the incident with hacking into Starfleet's secure database, and the holo-recording that sent Jim into an allergic reaction that was only in his head--- It doesn't take long for the slight confusion to turn to full blown. The headache is worse than before, and it feels like he should pass out, but he doesn't.

Somewhere, after Julian has taken the tube out of his throat, and healed the wound, he's settled in behind him on the cot. He feels sweaty and sick, and the only solid thing are the arms wrapped around him, the heartbeat he can feel against his back, and the other man's chin hooked over his shoulder. He'd fought, hard as he could at first, to try and get away from that scant comfort.

He'd fought until he exhausted himself, and then slumped like a puppet with his strings cut. He repeated his name, his service number, his rank. He repeated the names of his best friend, Leonard McCoy. Another close friend, Spock. His command crew. Anything and everything.

But it was getting muddled, like clear water that is suddenly disturbed and sediment churned up underfoot. Chris. Christopher Travers. Why does that name sound familiar? Why does it sound like his own more than James Kirk? When he thinks about Julian, and the other two men, he doesn't wind up confused anymore---he remembers them too. He doesn't understand why.

It's a moment of clarity, in the midst of all this, that he isn't fighting anyone right then. It's likely only because he's exhausted, and he is. His head is still aching, but then there's anger too, and he's not sure where that's building from. It's easy to ignore for the moment. His voice is rough when he licks his lips and starts to speak. ]

I--I remember a waterfall.

[julian jerks out of the trance he'd been in--he's still sorting through his own muddled head, and meditation helps. he's heard the names that chris was repeating, committed them to memory--he hopes they weren't complicit in this. knows they probably weren't. the average human these days seemed far too optimistic for that.

the waterfall--julian remembers it too.]

It was one of the first times we'd left the compound. You were showing off, and broke your arm.

[ Jim---Chris---he feels the other man jerk a bit, and feels a little bad for startling him out of whatever he was doing. A large part of him that is still desperately clinging to Jim wonders if his friends and crew are all right. Did Marcus already spin some lie to them that Julian, Khan, and Joaquin were responsible for whatever death he chose to tell them befell him? How were they handling it?

How was Pike handling it?

It's tiring to think about it all, and he decides---he decides not to for a while. The waterfall, that memory, it felt---nice. Julian seems to remember it too, so that's good, right? ]

I'd never seen water that blue before. I remember falling, Khan pulled me out, and you were so upset.

retired open post // will still tag in if threads are ongoing!

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