exastris_scientia | the always open post v 3.0

[ Jim has had a mild, unsettling irritation humming through him like the deck of a space freighter for days now. He'd found an easy temperament that complemented him in his older years, and took him light years from his younger, more reckless self. This did not lend to that in the slightest, and what was more frustrating was the lack of a reason as to why.

It only serves to grow as time goes on. It rises sharply in the space between one breath and the next and he finds himself half ready to bark at his communicator when it dares to chirp politely at him. Spock's voice comes over the comms, and he grits his teeth in frustration at what he says. ]

Commander, that's---I don't remember reading a briefing about any experiments that needed your attention so quickly, and I have an ensign here who is very ready to get off their duty shift.

[ It isn't like the other man to be late. Well, technically he isn't late yet, and Jim is actually early due to restless energy. Still, this is later than he usually is. ]

I'll meet you in the science labs to discuss it. Kirk out.

[ He doesn't need to have this conversation on the bridge in full hearing of the crew. He has Sulu take the conn, and directs another officer to relieve the ensign he'd just mentioned to Spock. This doesn't do anything to ease the tension winding under his skin, but he has to keep his cool with this. It isn't normal. This isn't a regular occurrence that requires counseling on his part, but it does require a conversation when it is the commander's duty station for the day.

He heads off of the bridge, leaving his coffee behind at his chair. ]

[ There have been plenty of times where Spock has wanted to snap at the captain. Well, snap is too strong of a word. He has voiced objections to his captain's actions, pointing out the illogic in them accordingly. And he has snapped, from time to time, because they are both strong-willed, stubborn men. But it's always been in situations where tensions are high and more a warning than anything else.

And yet, Spock finds himself wanting to snap at Kirk, tell him to shut up and that simply because he isn't aware of the experiments doesn't mean they do not exist. Spock knows well that Jim tries to stay abreast of his experiments, of all the experiments in the labs - even those Spock conducts in his off time, as personal experiments and not just those done for Starfleet. He has to clench his jaw not to bark out a sharp objection - and before he can offer a name of someone to take his shift, Kirk is already dismissing him.

Spock snaps his own comm shut and stalks off toward the labs, only to tuck himself into a quiet, remote corner, computer in front of him, and nothing to disturb him.

Well. That's the goal. Instead, he is aware of every footstep around him, the quiet hum of the Enterprise, the ambient air temperature, and growing increasingly more agitated as time passes.

Spock knows what is wrong with him; there are too many complications for it not to be this - this thing that will strip from him the veneer of civilization.

He's managed to get his trembling hands under control by the time Jim finds him, but none of the information on the computers in front of him has made it into his conscious mind. ]

[ Jim doesn't know, he isn't aware of what it is that is causing him to be suddenly so anxious these past few days. He doesn't get why Spock is suddenly so distant and downright testy for a Vulcan.

It doesn't take him long to make his way down to the Science Labs, and find Spock there. He excuses the other officers and crewmen in the room with a gentle dismissal, and finally approaches his First Officer. ]

Do you care to explain just what's going on, Spock?

I do not, Captain.

[ Vulcans do not speak of this, and Spock strives to be as Vulcan as possible. But even failing that, Spock is a private individual, and this is a matter of great shame.

He's aware they are alone, heard Jim dismiss everyone. He could almost see the curious, speculative faces of the crew, even though his back has been turned the entire time. Even with it being just the two of them, he does not want to discuss this. Or even look at Jim, if he is honest.

Instead, he focuses on the screen in front of him, hands tightly gripping the console. ]

You do not.

[ Jim repeats it a little dumbstruck, actually. This isn't like Spock, and it's wearing on not just him, but setting others on edge. He's had reports start to filter down about incidents that are wholly out of character. ]

And if I made it an order? [ A beat. ] Spock, something is going on, and I need something other than terse silence. I've been told that you shouted at a junior officer, and suspended another for a minor uniform discrepancy.

That's just the tip of the iceberg. I have more. Not to mention the ensign I just told you who had to be relieved by another person who is now pulling a double to cover you.

I think I deserve a little more than you don't want to talk about it.

[ Spock wants to repeat his comment more firmly, but before he can say anything, Jim is continuing, potentially turning his request into an order.

The incidents he is aware of, and there is no need for him to hear what has been going on with his interactions with the crew. He knows how it appears; he knows how distinctly out of the ordinary it is for him and how it affects his crew. However— ]

Captain, if I am the only person capable of covering the science consoles on the bridge, we must address the lack of staffing. [ Because there really should be someone else who could cover the position, when necessary. There was even another name at the tip of his tongue, but Spock could not entirely remember who he meant to refer as his relief.

With a growl of frustration, he spun on his heel to stare at the bulkhead, hands gripping the console beneath him firmly enough to warp. ]

I must ask that we return to New Vulcan. If a course cannot be charted, I will take a shuttle and make my way to the colony.

[ He did not want to go to the colony, but it was for the best. His blood was already starting the burn; it would not be too much longer. ]

Commander, this isn't about the lack of staffing.

[ The silence itself had been unnerving, but the growl that ushers forth out of his First Officer's throat is even more. Just what the hell is happening here? He can hear the creaking of the console in front of him, and confusion only gets worse. ]

If it's a request of leave that you're asking for, then go through the proper channels and submit a request. But you know, the same as I do, that I can't turn this ship off our present course to take you to New Vulcan.

Spock---Spock, talk to me. Please.

[ There is one way that Spock could get the ship to turn around, and that is by telling the truth. It is a matter of Vulcan biology. Starfleet would quickly grant permission to head to the colony, as Starfleet would not deny the request, not with the need to rebuild Vulcan.

But that would also mean admitting the truth. Spock carefully loosens his fingers, letting go of the console. It's permanently warped, a testament to the strength he keeps in careful check, and a sign of how tenuous his control. ]

It is, Captain, a matter of Vulcan biology. You must understand, it is not discussed among polite company.

[ Jim's eyes follow the loosening of the other man's fingers as they leave the console, and the warped indents that are left in the wake of it. Damn. Concern is more than clear on his face, replacing the confusion that had been there only moments before. ]

Biology? Come on, since when have I ever been polite company, huh?

the always open post v 3.0

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