exastris_scientia | retired open post // will still tag in if threads are ongoing!

[He's the one they would call Lorne.

That form comes with memories attached, unique features like a distinct way of computing colors and forms, certain speech habits, ticks, facial expressions and reactions. He can simulate the way the human called Lorne breathes, the slight parting of his lips, the way his shoulder shifts back just a little when he's turning his head. He knows everything about Evan Lorne, a perfect replica that never stops, never tires.

He knows it's something humans do - tire - and he wonders, if he were human, would he tire of running after John Sheppard like that? The man has been their guest for a while now. Lorne is supposed to watch him because carrying the memories of Atlantis's XO means knowing how the Colonel ticks, how he plans. It means Lorne can interfere before he can try anything.

But lately there's no pattern to the things Sheppard does. It's almost as if he's testing Lorne. To see if he gets what, annoyed? Bored? Displays some other form of human emotion?

He's the one they would call Lorne and he doesn't tire. He wonders, though.]

[ The others call him Lorne, he doesn't have any other designation, and they couldn't understand why John railed against him as he did when he was first created. Because that's the rub of it. He looks like Lorne. He talks like Lorne. In a lot of ways he acts like Lorne.

But there is a difference between Lorne and Evan, and John would know those differences as well as he knows the wrongness of his own continued existence. He is John Sheppard, Military Commander of Atlantis, and he is Not.

One of the differences between Lorne and Evan is one that he doesn't speak of out loud. It's one that stays close to his chest, literally, in the soft clinking of his dog tags. One his, and one---one whose duplicate is across the Pegasus galaxy somewhere. The last time he saw him was with Ronon and Elizabeth shouting for him, trying to refuse to leave him behind. He gave them orders. He knew what he was doing, and he could never have stayed anyways.

He rails, constantly, against the choke-hold Koracen perpetually has him in. He demands help in their continuous failed attempts at Ascension. They know, by means of taking, that he has learned many of the ins and outs, and came close to it himself once. He helped a group find their way to it, so they assume he can do the same for them, and consider his failed attempts to be sabotage. More than once Koracen has disabled a number of the nanites keeping him alive and used pain as an attempt to force him to be more cooperative.

Each time it is excruciating. He reminds himself that pain means he is still human. At least mostly.

Koracen grew frustrated (or whatever replicators call it) of it, and attempted to find another way, left this not!Lorne to follow him around and keep him in line. So he tests him instead. He pushes. He crowds. He snaps at him. He looks for anything that would remind him of the man he knew back on Atlantis that is likely in charge of the city now. ]

You can go. I don't need a babysitter today, cause I'm staying in.

[ He is "supposed" to be going somewhere. He's "supposed" to be helping with something or other. Team effort and all that jazz. Machines pretending to be human. They don't know a damn thing about it. Does John? He's not so sure anymore. ]

You can tell Koracen I told him he could go to hell. If he can't find the way, tell him it's just to the left of Ascension, but he probably couldn't find it either.

[There are certain things he keeps from Koracen and the others. Memories and knowledge of a close tie between Sheppard and the man he resembles now. He doesn't really understand it and he doesn't have a reason to keep this information from the others - only that this is what Evan Lorne would have done. It's Something you Don't Talk About, he got as much. That's good enough of a reason. Right?

Lorne folds his hands behind his back, eyeing Sheppard with a quizzical expression.]

Why would you want me to do that? It'd be to your disadvantage. [And quite so. Lorne saw Koracen disable the nanites and what it does to the human.]

[He hums.] Well, unless he finds the way, I guess. [The offhand remark comes easy, without much thought. It would be a very familiar display had it not been so incongruous to the earlier question.

Which still stands. The replicator can understand the ways and functions of witty banter. Sheppard's behavior, though, is still puzzling. Why would he risk it? It serves no purpose.]

I'm not leaving. [Just in case that wasn't clear.]

[ John can see flickers of things in his eyes when he looks at him sometimes. When he pushes. When he does crowd. He wonders---he wonders if he were to ask to see the dog tag chain around Lorne's neck, would it mirror his? One for himself. One for Sheppard? ]

I don't know if you got the command email or anything, but just about everything here is to my disadvantage.

[ But then Lorne---or not Lorne---makes that comment, and it earns a slight wide eyed expression before Sheppard actually chuckles. ]

And I was starting to think that you guys didn't have it in you to joke. Did you break anything? You need to sit down and take a minute?

[ He shrugs and motions to the edge of the bed. There aren't any chairs really, so. ]

Sit anyways, you're making me nervous.

I'm fully functional.

[Is he? Something strange happened. What he just did made Sheppard happy, he can tell - and that in turn causes a small tingling sensation in the back of his head. It feels weird.

It makes him want to joke again.]

Me standing makes you nervous? There's no difference. [He doesn't tire. He's just as fast in his reactions, whether he sits or stands. Sheppard won't have an advantage of it.

He sits.]

You're making things difficult on purpose.

Yeah, I bet you are.

[ John says it with a chuckle and a scoff. There's still a lightness to his features, though. A brightness in his eyes that hasn't been there since well, ever. ]

Standing means you're not relaxing. It means you're tense and that makes me tense. Sitting is better.

[ He's still surprised when he does decide to sit, but he doesn't question it. Gift horses and all that. ]

Right in one. I'm not sure if you noticed, but I'm not really a fan of being here. Of this whole plan, and I'm not going to wait around to get used so Mr. Daddy Issues can get to the shiny place.

I noticed, yeah. [It's hard not to, really.] But I don't understand. It brings you nothing but pain.

[Lorne feels neither satisfaction nor joy getting Sheppard in trouble. He's indifferent to all this, as he should be. After all, watching the Colonel is the sole purpose of his existence.

But it seems like he can't keep himself from dealing with the real Lorne's reaction when things get ugly. It's abstract, in a way, just the rational understanding of the fury and regret the real Evan Lorne would experience if he witnessed everything that happened around here. A ghost, a faint impression, something that the replicator can almost look at from the outside.

Almost.]

Why do you care? If I'm relaxing. [Why does he care if Sheppard cares? Why do they sit and talk in the first place?]

Maybe it's the only way I can for sure tell I'm still close to human anymore.

[ It doesn't exactly tickle John either. In fact, it's really the opposite of tickling. Seriously, opposite. He knows why not!Lorne is here. He knows why he keeps him company, and keeps an eye on him. ]

Seems pretty---not replicatory to me is all. Why do you care if I care?

[ Smooth, John. ]

You are. Pretty non replicatory, I mean.

[It's an automatic response and again he wonders. It's the truth, so why not say it?

Because it will undoubtedly please and encourage the Colonel and Koracen wouldn't like it. Not one bit. But Lorne doesn't exist for Koracen and nothing in his directive says that he can't point out simple observations.

Sheppard's question gives him pause.]

Honestly? I don't know.

I take that as a compliment, believe me.

[ Sheppard finds more things about not!Lorne every day that remind him of Evan. Things that make him question just how replicator he really is. And when did he start to think of it as him? ]

But you do. Care that is, don't you? Maybe I'm rubbing off on you.

retired open post // will still tag in if threads are ongoing!

Replicator!Verse because fuck your happiness

well you kinda said fuck your happiness by proxy jsyk

this is why we can't have nice things

who needs nice things, i like this dumpster.

liek if u cri evrytiem

sob this is just pain. constant pain.

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