exastris_scientia | retired open post // will still tag in if threads are ongoing!

[he needs time to be alone, to think--to wonder why the name christopher sounds so right and so true, where he didn't know it moments before. more right than the name khan has given to him.

it's making have a crisis of identity far more than khan's stabbing himself with a screwdriver, more than the scans they'd taken.

he's catching flashes of memory that don't fit with anything else he recalls. on top of the already chaotic day he's had, it's incredibly distressing. he's not aware enough of khan's emotions to realize how distressing it is to khan.

He falls into a daze, then a fitful sleep.]

[ khan worked, staying close enough to the door, as julian worked himself to a near panic and then to a hardly restful sleep. it was unnerving, not knowing what to expect. of his brother, he would have known his actions nearly as well as he knew his own. but this one---

he's roused from a light doze (not that any of them were heavy sleepers exactly), and into pure wakefulness at a piercing scream of agony from the room. he was up in an instant, palms curled into fists as he bangs on the door. ]

Julian? Julian, if you can I need you to open the door. [ he'd rather avoid breaking it in and upsetting the situation more. his entire body was tense, and worry---no fear---kept his rage at bay. what had they done? was it something he was given? he leaves the door only to grab the tricorder from the table and then return to it. ]

Open it. [ beat. ] Please.

[he can't. he can't move. he'd been woken from fitful sleep by all of his muscles seizing, out of his control, and his mind being torn apart.

he chokes back a second scream, swallows it, curls in on himself as best he can when his arms and legs won't obey him.

he's felt this before. he knows it, but can't remember it--not fully. there's flashes of what might be memory, hazy and wavering in his mind, he's unable to hold onto them. he bit through his lip the last time, he thinks. why was there a last time?]

[ khan can hear him struggling even though that second scream is swallowed down. his lack of response only manages to push that fear deeper into him like a poison and he will not lose another of his family to this federation. he will not.

he pushes the tricorder into his trouser pocket, pulls in a breath to ready himself, and begins to punch through the door to tear it down. the bed is in the way, covered in debris and dust from his progress through the door, and he can see julian curled helplessly in one corner of the room.

he can feel stinging on his knuckles and on his palms, but he pays it no heed. he will heal. he's healed from far worse than the bite of a door.

once he's made a hole big enough to crawl through, he does, and climbs up over the bed. he kneels next to julian, bringing out the tricorder that slips a little from the blood on his hands, and beginning to scan him. ]

Can you hear me? Listen to my voice. It's going to be fine. You're going to be fine.

[ steady. even. calm. everything he is not on the inside right now. right now he is panicking, but he can't afford to show it any more than the ruined door. any more might do more damage than he can feasibly repair. ]

[julian is likewise healing, but it's not an easy process. he's been on strong opiates as well as whatever else was in the cocktail of drugs he's been given, and the healing muscle fibers are tightening to the point of pain that now has nothing cushioning it.

he's been hurt in the past, of course, all of them have, and normally he'd be able to handle it as stoically as khan is at the moment. but alexander doesn't remember that and he's caught between the two states of being right now. trapped between alexander and julian.

he draws in a hissing breath between his teeth--his jaw is locking too, he can't speak--and just looks up at khan.]

[ khan was trained, as well as any of the others in field medicine, but this is beyond his skill. he doesn't know what to do, or even that there would be anything to do to ease julian's suffering. he isn't so focused on the readings that he misses the agonized glance cast his way.

were this any of the others khan would wish for julian there to tell him what he could do to help. he is here, but not available in that capacity currently.

he snaps the tricorder shut, and shifts, carefully lifting julian up as quickly as he dares. it's something of an awkward cradle. he's so tense that he imagines he might shatter him to pieces for all the pain he is obviously in. ]

It will pass. [ he says it in a firm tone, as if he's demanding the universe to question it. ] It will pass, and you'll be terribly upset with me for not thinking of something clever to do in order to help.

I saw you back there in London, and I profess I wasn't thinking very clearly. I might have taken another doctor too then if I had.

[ a poor attempt at humor in a seemingly desperate situation. ]

Christopher would do better, even, I suppose.

[ they weren't---he wasn't---built to offer comfort. perhaps it's all just instinctual. he doesn't know. he remembers a time when some of them had been ill from all the tests they'd been put through, and one of the younger doctors sat with one of their group, humming softly. she also---

khan shifts so that he might card the fingers of one hand through julian's sweat soaked hair. he doesn't imagine the tune he remembers would be soothing should he try, so he settles for this alone. he hopes it will help. ]

[this is beyond field medicine--this is the result of long, calculated medical intervention, that is now wearing off. it could be called torture without a single ounce of exaggeration.

julian/alexander--he isn't sure what to call himself now, he thought he knew but he doesn't--groans slightly as he's shifted, eyes falling closed. he's shaking apart at the seams, but at least he doesn't feel quite like he's dying. not that he knows what that feels like, he doesn't think. then again, with how scrambled his memories are he can't be sure.]

Glad you didn't.

[his voice sounds small, and it's so hard to speak even those few words. he doesn't know what the doctors did to him, but he's starting to recall that there was something done to him in the first place.]

You may be, but I'm not certain I am.

[ he says it and continues what he's doing, trying to offer firm and steady support to the shaking man in his arms. another hand finds one of julian's own, to squeeze in support. he could also grip as tightly as he wanted, it wouldn't hurt. ]

[it's good that it won't, because he can't control the fact that his hand is seizing, bearing down with all its strength. which was never as much as khan's, and even less so now, but still.

he lets out a soft huff of air that might be a laugh, if you can interpret it broadly enough.]

They did this, I don't want them anywhere near me. Or you.

[he seems to recall enough that he doesn't think you're crazy anymore, that's a bonus.]

[ the grip he offers back is nowhere near his full strength. it is more for julian's benefit than his own, and he hopes that it conveys reassurance. his words are a comfort, however small. ]

I won't let them harm any of us again. They'll pay for what they've done.

[ also pay for the mistake that khan nearly made, but how could he have known that christopher was taken as julian was? he couldn't. it doesn't absolve him of this in his mind. not yet. perhaps he'll feel a measure of peace when all that remains of their world is ashes. ]

After London---I was going to take advantage of their arrogance. I was going to attack the Daystrom conference room where all of the captains and first officers of the ships would have gathered in the event of a terrorist attack.

If I hadn't seen you, and done as I did---[ khan has never faltered. he has never felt unsteady. he has never question his own steps until waking to this new and wholly despicable world. ]---Christopher would have been in that room.

[ and were he as julian was, fragile like they are, and without his memories---he might have died. ]

Just want to leave.

[that was what they'd intended to do. he doesn't want to be here anymore. damn all of them--they'd destroy themselves soon enough, and spare all of them the trouble.

they just need to get the others and get out of orbit. easier said than done.

he's silent for a while--talking is exhausting, just existing is exhausting right now--he almost seems to have fallen asleep again, especially since his eyes have stayed closed throughout this exchange.

he opens them to look up, pain still evident in them, but also determination. he's still hurting, still sorting through memories that are his but aren't--still.]

What now?

I know.

[ 300 years later and they are still exactly where they started. trying to free themselves from the clutches of their creators. from those who would use them until there was nothing left, or what was---was something broken into their own faulty image.

they are better. they always have been.

khan doesn't urge him to open his eyes. were he to fall asleep, he wouldn't rouse him unless necessary. ]

We have to be patient. You need time to recuperate. We need to find a way to get to Christopher before something happens.

[ something like one known augment threat in the wind, and another thought brought to heel missing. who knows what marcus might do to an unwitting james kirk. he shudders to think. ]

[still shaking like a leaf in the wind, julian feels frustrated. angry, at loose ends. he's a liability. he's of no use at the moment, weak as he is and--

--then he feels a surge of anger, why is khan doing this to him--

but it's not him, it never was him, he'd rescued him and it wasn't khan's doing that humans hadn't changed in hundreds of years, still wanted to use them.

he's literally of two minds about all this. 'alexander' isn't going down without a fight.]

Is there anyone else?

[ khan knows something of what he's feeling, but due to his ability to heal faster than any of them, his fight against 'john harrison' was never as difficult as the fight that julian must be facing.

khan only had an external source to push his anger and frustration on.

then julian asks him about the others and he tenses. ]

I---attempted to smuggle them out, but I was found out. I don't know if they are still alive. Admiral Marcus is hardly forgiving.

[julian shakes his head slowly. no. he refuses to believe that they could be that callous. for one, they've proven that they have effective methods of control on at least two of them.

cynical though it might be to say, it would be a waste of resources to terminate them when they could hold them as bargaining chips.]

You're already away. And you already have me. He wouldn't just kill them, not when he could use them as bargaining chips.

[he licks his lips slightly--they're dry, if he felt like he could swallow it he'd ask for some water.]

They were able to control me and Chris. They'd be more likely to try on the others before outright killing them.

retired open post // will still tag in if threads are ongoing!

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